


nothing to fear, no one to fight

by UtterPandamonium



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Disordered Eating, Episode: s06e18 Everything’s Fine, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm, Steven Universe Has PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Steven Universe Needs Therapy, Time Travel, i love my depressed himbo sons, i'm a sucker for time travel i had to
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:54:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23402575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UtterPandamonium/pseuds/UtterPandamonium
Summary: The only person who’s never had Steven is Steven.Except then, very abruptly, that isn’t true. Of course, at that point, the problem becomes less “Steven doesn’t have a Steven,” and more whether or not he’ll own up to there being a problem in the first place.
Relationships: Steven Universe & Steven Universe
Comments: 129
Kudos: 480





	1. Chapter 1

Sure, he’s done a lot of things wrong today. I mean, he trashed a house, broke an anvil—in half, actually, like straight in half, he doesn’t even know how he managed to **do** that—created a very helpful army of plants, and also there might possibly still be a bunch of rubble in his hair from when he slammed his forehead into a pillar earlier. In order to try and shatter White.

After he actually shattered Jasper.

Ugh, anyway. No use dwelling on the past, right? If every porkchop were perfect, we wouldn’t have hot dogs! It’s fixed now, he fixed it, so he doesn’t need to worry about it anymore. The point is, things have been maybe going just a **little** awry recently, but it’s all fine now. So whatever’s going on now should be just fine, too! No need to worry about a thing. He’ll get this sorted out in a jiffy. That’s what he does!

“Uhhh,” says someone who looks exactly like Classic Steven, staring up at him with big eyes. Who’s distinctly Steven-colored, so it’s not one of the gems playing Classic Steven Tag again or anything.

Also, there’s also a painting on the wall that he very **specifically** remembers taking down. So. That’s cool.

“Hey there!” Steven interrupts, grin stretched painfully tight over his face, and waves a little for good measure. Wouldn’t want to be rude, right? “So, by the looks of things, I’m guessing you must be Steven! Love the red shirt. That one’s a real classic.”

The kid blinks, looking at him like he’s expecting him to disappear any second. Or like Steven’s gonna attack him or something, which is just ridiculous, right? He would never hurt anyone! “Um, hi,” baby Steven cautiously greets, eyes flicking closely up and down him. “Are… are you a gem? Why do you look so much like me?”

A gem? “I mean. Yeah, sorta, but.” Fumbling for words, he gives up and hikes the hem of his shirt up to his ribcage, watching probably-kid-Steven-somehow’s eyes widen with recognition. “You know,” he adds on uselessly.

Eyes caught on it, Kid Steven hesitates, then reaches down and tugs up his own shirt. Twin stones, sparkling in the light: a cloying, artificial rose-pink. “Mom’s gem,” he murmurs.

And promptly yelps and startles back when Steven’s whole body swells all at once, shirt straining against a body abruptly three times as big as it should be, before he shrinks back down to only being **twice** as big as he should be. Fine, it’s totally fine. It’s all under control! “Oh, sorry,” he hastily apologizes. “Didn’t mean to scare you, haha! This just happens sometimes. It’s no big deal.”

“Why…” Baby Steven hesitates. “Did that hurt?” he asks unexpectedly, mouth twisting, and takes a cautious step towards him.

“Nah, of course not!” he brushes off, unsteadily backing away, hands fluttering awkwardly in midair. “It’s nothing to worry about. Everything’s a-okay!” Grimacing, Steven presses his palms of his hands over his eyelids in order to try and relieve the building pressure there. His stupid eye won’t stop **twitching**. “Anyway, I’m pretty sure this is a pretty typical time travel-type situation. Like the finale to season eight of _Under The Knife_ , or…” Perking up, he claps his hands together. “Oh, wait, have you done the Sea Shrine yet? With the hourglasses? Still don’t totally know what happened there, to be honest, aside from the fact that a lot of me showed up and died all at once, but you know what I’m talking about. Gosh, this is probably gonna get confusing too, two Stevens, we should probably come up with nicknames or something—”

“Wait, hang on!” the other Steven blurts out. His eyes are squeezed shut, hands flapping frantically. “Just, slow down for a second, okay? This is, it’s a lot. I don’t understand, it…”

Shaking his head, the kid opens his eyes. He looks confused and vaguely desperate, overwhelmed, too much happening in too little time.

“Why are you pink?” he demands.

Steven’s vision blurs.

“I’m not **Pink** ,” he hears himself spitting, the words making the ground rumble underfoot, phantom fingers clenching around him, ribcage splintering and mending itself, long nails pulling back his shirt and scraping gently over his stomach. “I’m not, okay?” Diamonds in his eyes, destructive powers, throwing tantrums left and right, she had a scream that could crack the walls. “I’m **nothing** like her!”

(It’s the truth. Mom wasn’t a shatterer.)

“Wh—what?” the person with Steven’s face is stammering, too-young eyes set in a too-young face, panic and worry and confusion. Doesn’t even know whose gem’s in his stomach, strong enough to push down the hurt and do what needs to be done. This is who the gems need him to be. This is who he should be, why isn’t he **good** anymore? “I, I’m sorry! I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

The world’s pressing down on him, too loud. It’s all too much. Eyes boring into him, Classic Steven is staring, watching. Waiting. “I don’t—”

Voices. Noise, off in the distance: peals of laughter. It’s Amethyst. The gems are outside.

And there are diamonds in his eyes.

Shoulders stiff, jaw clenching, Steven backs towards the door, not once breaking eye contact. And then the grip of time loosens around him, world passing by in slow motion, and he turns and hurls himself forward: scrambles out the door and past Amethyst and Garnet and Pearl, onto the beach and past rocks and buildings and the water. He doesn’t stop even when things speed up again, not until he’s all by himself, back in the forest.

But it’s not the same. All the trees and the grass and stuff are still there. Undisturbed. As if nothing ever happened here, he never trained here with her.

(No shards under his hands, raking across his fingers as he fumbles blindly for them, searching every last nook and cranny in the holes punched deep in the ground. No panic clenching at his lungs, because he can’t miss even a single piece, he needs them **all**. There’s pieces of Jasper clenched too-tight in his hands cutting at his palms and the wounds heal over as soon as they come but they shouldn’t.)

(Hers didn’t.)

He screams. Trees crack and fall. It almost feels like home again.


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey, Pearl?” Steven asks a few hours after it happens, legs swinging absentmindedly. His fingers are curled tight around the edge of the couch, trembling a little as they dig into the cushion. “Do you remember that one mission, at the Sea Shrine? The one where all those other me-s showed up and then disappeared.”

She blinks, and glances over. “Oh, yes! Stars, it feels like it was so long ago. Although I suppose it can’t have been much more than a year.” Pearl clicks her tongue. “It’s a shame about what happened to the legendary Glass of Time. Still, at least we don’t have to worry about Jasper trying to retrieve it. Who knows what she’d try to do with it.”

“Yeah, right,” he distractedly agrees, shaking his head (and ignores the familiar hot twist of guilt in his throat and his stomach). “I was just wondering if there’s anything else that can do that kind of thing? I mean, sure, I know the legendary Glass of Time is **legendary** , but maybe there’s a not-so-legendary Rock of Time? Or Bricks of Time, that people use to make Time Houses.”

“No, I’m afraid not,” Pearl says, and she’s been shaking her head before he even finished talking. “The Glass of Time was the only thing we could use to travel back or forwards in time like that.” Her hand’s clenched around her arm, fingers twitching up. “Why do you ask?”

Steven swallows, and glances down. “No reason.”

  
  


If there’s another corrupted gem in the house again, he’s going to be **really upset**.

“Come on,” Steven mutters to himself, rubbing hands over heavy, heavy eyelids. “Really?” His alarm hasn’t even gone off yet! At least it’s a little light outside, so it can’t be that early, but still. I mean, sheesh. He’s a growing boy: he needs his rest! At least another hour of it, based on how sleepy he’s feeling.

Heaving a sigh, he slowly manages to drag himself to his feet, sliding off his bed. “At least you get to sleep in, M.C. Bear-Bear,” he says to the toy, carefully tucking them in and pecking their fuzzy little forehead. Their glasses get in the way a little, of course, but such is the price of coolness. “Get some rest for the both of us.” As Pearl’s voice spirals up again—loud and strident, nails on a chalkboard—Steven winces. Oh, jeez. “While I go deal with whatever’s going on down there.”

Summoning his shield with a flick of his wrist and a dash of emotion, he hurls himself down the stairs, step after step after step. “Uh, yeah, nice try,” Amethyst’s scoffing downstairs, sour cynicism thick in her voice as she snaps her whip tight. “Look, let’s just poof this creep and get it over with.” Double jeez. Yeah, she’s been acting off since she lost that fight to Jasper. Which he totally gets, but—still, it’s been making things a little tense recently.

“Again, I’m telling you, I can prove it!” laughs an unfamiliar voice, so relaxed and friendly compared to Amethyst’s. “Just give me a chance, and we can—”

As Steven reaches the bottom of the stairs and rounds the corner, he sees them. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, and…

Steven?

“Oh, hey,” the same voice greets, except this time it’s attached to a teenager who looks a lot like Steven. “Nice seeing you again!”

“Hi,” Steven says, because what else do you do when you’re running on maybe five hours of sleep and there’s a person who looks like you standing in your house. After a solid five seconds, his brain kicks in. “Wait, are you me from the future?”

Everyone’s staring at him. The other Steven still looks pretty calm, despite the fact that there’re a whole bunch of weapons pointed at him. The Crystal Gems, on the other hand, look **way** more stressed out. “Steven,” Pearl cautiously questions, brow knitted, spear lowering ever-so-slightly. Of course, now it’s just aimed at the teenager’s chest instead of his throat, which isn’t much of an improvement. “You’re not surprised?”

Oh. Well. “I mean,” he hedges, grin wide and nervous as he lets his shield disappear, “it’s that or I have an older twin brother that no one ever told me about, right? And I think Dad would’ve said something earlier.” The gems look distinctly unimpressed. “And, also, it’s not the first time something like this has happened, you remember the hourglass thing, so…”

Garnet’s frowning. “Steven.”

It’s enough to break him. “Somebody who said they were me from the future and looked a lot like me showed up out of nowhere in the house a couple days ago,” Steven blurts out, squeezing his eyes shut and clapping his hands over them in order to avoid the gems’s looks of disappointment. (It doesn’t stop him from hearing Pearl gasp, though.) “I didn’t say anything because it didn’t seem important. Please don’t get mad.”

“Didn’t seem **important**?” Pearl squawks, voice going high-pitched. He can’t see the look on her face, because he’s still got his eyes closed and covered, but—based on her tone of voice—he can **imagine**.

“Yeah, I’m with Pearl on this one, dude,” Amethyst drawls. “On the whole importance scale, strangers teleporting into the Temple and claiming to be you from the future seem like they should be pretty up there.”

Steven’s cheeks are burning. “I know, it’s just…”

The look on the other Steven’s face, the way he’d rambled on and on and then lashed out for no reason and ran off so fast—

“I mean,” he tries again, because they’d just **had** a stranger show up out of nowhere in the house right before this happened. Except it hasn’t been a stranger, not to the others, but then Bismuth had tried to kill him and told him that Mom had poofed and bubbled her and put her in Lion without ever telling anyone and it’d just. It’d been a lot, so much, and Pearl and Garnet had been really upset about it, and Amethyst was already in a bad mood, and so it didn’t seem worth it to bring this up on top of everything else and make everybody even **more** upset just because some weird pink future version of him was having a bad day.

“Whatever, man,” Amethyst brushes off, and when he pries his eyes open she’s rolling hers. Which, believe it or not, doesn’t exactly make him feel any better! “So are we just gonna believe this guy, or…”

“Yeah, sorry for scaring you like that before,” Future Steven speaks up with a shrug. “Honestly, I just need—”

No, wait. “Hang on,” Steven interrupts, staring wide-eyed up at the guy who’s maybe probably him, somehow. “That version of me who showed up in here the other day. That was **you**?”

He blinks. “I mean. Yeah?”

“You look…” The Steven who’d been in his house a couple days ago had been super tall, and big, and he’d been **glowing**! But this guy looks like… well, like Steven, if he was older. He’s human-sized and everything, and the only part of him that’s pink is this little stripe of a blush along his cheekbones and nose: a touch too bright to be organic. “Different?” he tries.

Other Steven just shrugs, which doesn’t really explain anything. “Anyway, as I was saying, I just need help getting back,” he states, rolling his shoulders. “I don’t even really know how I got here?”

“Well, I don’t know how we can get you back,” Pearl hums, fingers tapping out an anxious rhythm on her cheek. “The Glass of Time certainly isn’t an option. We’ll need to ask Peridot if there’re been any technological developments on Homeworld that would allow for such a thing. Of course, I doubt they’ve found a way to travel through time, I’m sure we would’ve encountered it before now if they had, but maybe there’s been new research done into—”

“You’ll stay here.”

Hand dropping, Pearl turns and stares at Garnet. “Huh?”

“Steven will stay here with us while we look for a way to return him to his own time,” Garnet states firmly, which is really confusing for a second but—right, Future Steven is also named Steven. She’s talking about him. Okay.

“Aw, jeez, you really don’t need to worry about me,” the teenager reassures, waving his hands, looking a little uncomfortable. “I’m fine! I’ll be okay on my own, I swear.”

“Yes,” Garnet says. “That is the reason I want you to stay here. Because I am worried. I will not be able to stop worrying about you if you go, so you have to stay here.”

As Future Steven’s brow furrows, Pearl and Amethyst glance at each other. Oh, boy. “ **Anyway** ,” Steven quickly cuts in, “we really need to come up with nicknames or something. I mean, I’ve been calling you Future Steven in my head this whole time, but I don’t think it’s gonna work super well if one of the gems want to get our attention. They’ll say, ‘hey, Steven, could you go wash the dishes,’ and we’ll both end up trying to wash the dishes at the same time, and soap’ll end up everywhere, and it’ll be a big mess.”

The teenager snaps his fingers. “Yeah, like Volleyball.” What? “Well, you should probably stay Steven, since this is your time and your Crystal Gems and everything, so…” He grins at Steven. “Why don’t you give me a nickname?”

“Let’s see,” Steven pronounces too-loudly, in order to try and distract from the way the gems are whispering furiously around them. “This is a very important decision.” Based on the way Future Steven’s eyebrows leap up slightly, smile quirking a little, it isn’t working. But that’s okay. He’ll just have to be even **more** distracting!

If only his stupid brain would work. C’mon, Universe, get it together! He’s gotta be able to think of at least one nickname for himself. This should be easy.

Huh. What’s something that’s different about the two of them? “How about,” he says, and then abruptly remembers the way Future Steven’d gotten mad before when he pointed out the fact he was pink. Oh, jeez. So Pink might not work too great as a nickname, huh? “Uh, how about you pick out your own nickname!” Awkwardly, Steven grins wide, and hopes it looks less nervous than it feels.

“Aw, jeez, okay,” laughs Future Steven, rubbing at the back of his neck. He still seems really, weirdly calm about this whole thing. “Gimme a second, uh…” His eyes’re drifting over the room, like he’s looking for inspiration.

And then he falls deadly still, gaze settling. For a second, his smile looks strained, **wrong** , eyes a bit too wide.

(And for a second, Steven can almost see his pupils—)

“Nora,” Future Steven says, mouth pinched. When Steven turns to follow his gaze, he’s looking up at Mom’s portrait. “Let’s go with Nora.”

As the Crystal Gems bicker behind them, he turns back and watches his future self stare up at Mom. There’s something harsh on the teenager’s face, harsh and bitter: teeth gritted, the pink in his cheeks brightening and creeping out, threatening to overtake his face entirely. It’s the same look he’d had before, the same anger. Clear in the way he flexes his hands by his sides, the set of his jaw, but it’s controlled. Or more controlled than it was before, anyway.

“Well, nice to meet you, Nora,” Steven says, if only to watch him react.

Sure enough, the expression melts away fast, like it was never there in the first place, and Nora’s turning to him with a sunny smile. “It’s nice to meet you too!” But the look on his face, the way he’s talking, is almost... a little too happy, if that makes sense? And brittle, like it could shatter and fall to pieces at any second. “Although I kinda feel like I know you guys already.”

He laughs. “Yeah, I guess that would make sense.”

But as Nora looks away, Steven’s smile falters. Shrinks a few teeth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nora: whoops i accidentally expressed an emotion haha,, let's just pretend like that never happened!!!!!!! :D  
> steven: ?????


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mind the new tags

(It’s not as if he feels a lot like Steven Universe right now, anyway.)

  
  
  
  


There’s a clink as the plate’s set down in front of him. Four name-brand, freezer-burnt waffles fresh out of the toaster, drizzled liberally with maple syrup and covered with popcorn, with a single strawberry artfully wedged into the mound of whipped cream on top. “Here!” the kid chirps, and scoots it a little closer. “I figured you were probably pretty hungry, so I made us Together Breakfast. It’s the most important meal of the day, together!” Sheepishly, Steven grins. “And also I want half if that’s okay.”

Blankly, Nora stares at the pile of food, tries to imagine eating it. Fails. “Oh, sorry, I’m really not hungry.” The last thing he remembers eating was half a cake after the thing with Connie happened, and—actually, wait, no, it was the ice cream à la pie that Dad gave him. Either way, it’s been a few days. “I already ate breakfast.”

“Are you sure?” Steven asks. He’s hesitating, glancing back and forth between him and the Together Breakfast like he’s expecting Nora to lunge for it or something.

He grins wide, and ignores the way his cheekbones feel like they’re poking through the skin, like cheeks gone hollow and bruise-dark bags carved under his eyes. “Yeah, I don’t need it.” It’s all in his head. “You go on ahead. But thanks! I really appreciate it!” It’s not real, he’s not shapeshifting again, it’s fine.

He’s in control.

“Well, okay,” the kid reluctantly allows, snagging a syrupy piece of popcorn off the top of the stack. “Then I guess it’s an Alone Breakfast now.” Sighing, he solemnly dunks the kernel in the whipped cream, swirls it around, and pops it into his mouth: staring wistfully off into the middle distance.

Oh, jeez. Smile straining, frayed around the edges, Nora opens his mouth, ready to take it back—and then grimaces at the thought of food in his throat, his stomach, the imagined texture and weight of it wrong against the roof of his mouth. Impossible to swallow. “You could always offer half to Amethyst,” he suggests instead, awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck. “I’m sure she’d want some.”

Steven shakes his head. “I already asked,” he says through a mouthful of waffle, then swallows. “She hasn’t been feeling all that great recently. There was this whole thing with Jasper, and…” Helplessly, he rolls his shoulders. “We’re visiting Peridot and Lapis today, though. I’m hoping that’ll help her cheer up.”

Right, he thinks he remembers that. Amethyst got poofed fighting Jasper, and him and Connie fused and beat her. Visiting Peridot and Lapis, though… isn’t ringing a bell. Oh, well: that just means it wasn’t important, right?

“So.” Steven sets his fork down, pushes his plate forward, and turns his gaze on Nora. He’s only eaten, like, half of the first waffle. “You’re from the future, huh?”

“I mean,” Nora drags out, abruptly hyper-aware of Steven’s eyes drilling into him and the sound of Pearl humming upstairs, “yeah? I mean, I… kinda thought we already established that.” Why is Steven looking at him like that? Like he’s done something wrong, but—he hasn’t, he hasn’t done anything wrong, everything’s under control now it’s **fine**.

Mouth flat, the kid studies him for half a second. And then all at once, Steven’s relaxing, smiling, glancing away and reaching forward and plucking the strawberry off the stack of waffles. “What’s that like?” he asks, studying a tiny imperfection on the flesh of the fruit as Nora’s shoulders slump silently in relief. “Do you guys have flying cars and robots and stuff?” Abruptly, Steven’s eyes go wide, and he bounces up and down: wiggling a little in place. Whipped cream goes flying. “Oh! Did the TV adaptation of _The Spirit Morph Saga_ ever come out?”

Pulling at the fabric of his shirt, Nora uses it to wipe the whipped cream off his cheek. “Jeez, uh—well, I probably shouldn’t spoil things too much,” he laughs, running his fingers back and forth along the seam of his pants. “I’m still not a hundred percent sure how I got here? I don’t know if telling you guys too much about the future’ll somehow cause a paradox and mess stuff up, or something.” It won’t. If this was gonna break the space-time continuum, it would’ve happened when he got here, because he does **not** remember meeting his future self like this when he was a kid. “But I think I can safely say that everything’s going great! Things’ve never been better. No flying cars yet, but I think that show did come out?” He shrugs. “I dunno, I haven’t seen it.”

“Wait, what?” Curiously, Steven tilts his head. “How come? Connie’s been talking about it since forever.”

“Oh, yeah, she—she has. We’ve just both had a lot going on recently. More important stuff to do, you know.” His leg’s bouncing, nails scratching furiously at denim. When he glances down, he catches a glimpse of damage underfoot that hadn’t been there a second ago, a sliver of wood sticking up out of the floor.

Whoops. “But _The Spirit Morph Saga_ is super important!” he protests as Nora tries to subtly nudge the splinter back into place with his foot. “There’s magic, and mysteries, and...” Steven’s eyes sparkle. “Gosh, I really wanna see how they do the wedding at the end! And the cake. Connie didn’t like it, but I thought—”

“Look, I’ve just been busy, okay?” Nora snaps a little harsher than he means to, the sugary taste of strawberry jam and pink frosting on his tongue, sickly pink burning in his cheeks and fists clenched tight and the ground trembling beneath him.

And then he sees the look on Steven’s face.

“Sorry, I just…” He swallows back the sweetness, and smiles wide: a cheery, eager thing, friendly and open, with only a few too many teeth. “Connie’s pretty busy with college prep right now,” he tells him, rolling his shoulders in a helpless, nonchalant sort of shrug. “And, well, you know us! There’s always people who need our help: it’s what I’m here for! So I guess we just kinda forgot, with everything going on.”

There’s a little more hesitancy in Steven’s eyes, now, something cautious in the way he bites his lip. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Sorry. I wasn’t trying to be pushy or anything, it doesn’t really matter. I’m just making a big deal out of nothing.”

“Nah, it’s fine!” Nora chirps, waving him off with one hand as he rubs at his face with the other. “Don’t worry about it.”

A beat. “So,” says Steven, looking blankly down at the strawberry in his hands, “the pink thing. That’s new.” And then he turns and stares up at Nora.

His fingers freeze guiltily in place, stalling over the buzzing swath of pink under his eyes. “Pink thing?” Nora echoes, voice half an octave higher than it should be. “What pink thing? I—I don’t know what you’re talking about.” A few seconds too late, he yanks his hand down away from his face and tucks them both behind his back.

Steven’s squinting at him. “Um.”

“O—oh, you mean **that** pink thing,” he hastily interrupts, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Yeah, that’s just a thing that’s happening now. It’s no big deal: it’s just a bit of a hassle, that’s all.”

“Okay?” the kid allows, uncertain, glancing him up and down. “It’s just, if that was you, you looked really different when you showed up?” Unable to keep looking him in the eyes, Nora glances down and away, eyes settling on the floor again. There’s cracks in the floor, jagged splintering things, all spreading out from his feet. “And I don’t get it, like. Is that a thing that Mom could do? Because the gems’ve never mentioned anything like that, so—is it a magical destiny thing?”

Still smiling, Nora casually grabs at his own upper arm and **squeezes**. “Sorry, I don’t think I should talk about this,” he apologizes lightly, as pain blossoms under his hand, sharp-edged sparks dancing down his arm. “Future stuff, you know? I don’t wanna tell you about anything if it could destroy the timeline or something.”

“But—”

“Oh, Steven?” Pearl calls from overhead, making Steven look up and Nora freeze. Right. She’s here too. He forgot about that. “Could you come here for a second?”

Hesitating, Steven glances reluctantly between Nora and the stairs, clearly deliberating. After a long second, he sighs. “Yeah, okay, be right there!” he decides, hopping to his feet.

Suddenly, a thought hits him, making his fingers slip across the fabric of his shirt, losing their grip on his arm. “Wait,” Nora blurts out, and reaches forward and grabs at Steven’s sleeve a bit too quickly to be natural. Eyes wide, the kid turns back and blinks up at him. “Don’t—” Wait, he’s being way too loud. Wincing, he lowers his voice to a hushed whisper. “You can’t tell any of the gems about this, okay? I’m… worried about messing up the future.“

“Steven?” Pearl says again, sounding a touch more worried.

“I don’t,” the kid stammers again, conflicted, and then shakes his head. “Okay. Okay, sure, I won’t.”

Grin unwavering, he watches his past self dash upstairs, feet pattering against wood. It’s not until he’s completely out of sight that Nora folds in on himself—smile dropping, teeth clenched, shoulders hunched and hands tangled up in his hair—and feels the acid pink in his cheeks spread and eat away at the rest of him.


	4. Chapter 4

Nora’s cradling the gem in his hands like it’s made of glass, like if he makes any sudden movement he’ll pop the bubble it’s in and let her out. “Yeah,” he murmurs quietly, mouth twisting downwards as he stares down at it, “that’s Jasper, alright.”

The look on his face is… weird. But even weirder is the fact that he hadn’t mentioned the fact that this was going to happen before Steven and Amethyst went to the Beta Kindergarten! They could have stopped her from fusing with that corrupted gem somehow, or taken her by surprise, or—done something, anything, to keep Jasper from corrupting. Was he so worried about messing up the future that he decided not to say anything? Cause in Steven’s opinion, that’s a really dumb reason not to help!

“Lapis says that the Rubies have arrived back at the barn,” Peridot announces, barging into the Burning Room: Garnet following close behind, lips flat. “They’re contained. For **now**. But we **have** to get over there and find out what they want!”

“Not yet, we don’t,” Garnet states, in a way that makes him think it’s not the first time she’s had to say it. “Lapis can keep the Rubies under control. Right now, Nora is the priority.”

When Steven glances over, the teenager’s still staring at Jasper’s gem, eyes glazed over like he’s deep in thought. Or like he’s not thinking about anything. It takes him a second, but eventually he perks up—gaze sweeping the room, seeming to notice all the eyes on him—and smiles, coming to life all at once. “Sorry, what?” he asks, rubbing at the back of his neck with a sheepish grin. “I think I zoned out.”

“Hmm,” Peridot says, squinting at Nora, and analytically pokes his cheek. Then pokes Steven’s cheek, too. “Yes, this does appear to be a newer model of Steven. Although I don’t know why you felt the need to get another one. The one we have is perfectly satisfactory.”

“He’s from the future,” Steven explains, voice slightly garbled from the finger being roughly shoved into the side of his face. “We’re trying to figure out how to get him back.” Gently, he pushes her hand to the side.

Peridot scoffs. “The future? You’re joking me.”

“Nope!” Nora laughs, shrugging a little. It’s a strained, kinda breathy sound, like he’s nervous or something, and the way he’s shifting from foot to foot doesn’t really help. “I really am from the future. So, did Homeworld not have a way of doing that, or...” His fingers twitch around Jasper’s bubble.

“Stars, no,” she brushes off, waving a hand. “Can you imagine? Even if someone **were** to successfully design something like that, which they **haven’t** , true time travel would be impossible! You can’t really meet your past self, it just—” Frustrated, she flails her hands. “Doesn’t work! At best, you’d just end up creating a bunch of closely interconnected alternate timelines, which is hardly the same thing.”

So like what happened at the Sea Shrine! “Yeah, okay, so that’s probably what this is,” Steven nods. “We did that before.”

“You **what** ,” Peridot says.

“But that still doesn’t explain how you got here now,” he continues, turning to pace. “I mean, we smashed the hourglass, so it can’t be that.” Come to think of it, Nora never said if anything weird happened to him right before he got here that might have caused this to happen. There has to have been something, right? People don’t just time travel for no reason! “Nora, what were you doing before you got here?”

Silence. When he turns back, Nora’s spacing out again: gaze settled on Jasper’s gem. But based on his expression, he’s not really looking at it. Or at… much of anything, really.

And sure, Steven gets zoning out. After all, he gets distracted all the time! Even when he knows he really needs to be paying attention. But still, something about this, the empty, distant look in the teenager’s eyes, feels… different? “Hey, Nora?” he tries again, stepping a little closer. “Is everything okay?”

Nora blinks. Looks at him, but something’s wrong around his eyes. “Um.” He blinks again. “Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, I’m fine, I just.” Fingers running over his arm, his shirt, Jasper’s bubble, he swallows and smiles and backs away. “I’m gonna run to the bathroom. I’ll be right back!”

And then just like that, he’s gone in a flash. Literally. “Well, that was rude,” Peridot sniffs. “We weren’t even done talking.”

“Steven, you have to go after him,” Garnet urges, stepping forward and gently placing a hand on top of his head. “Remember what I said.”

“Right,” he sighs. “I remember.” Right after Nora showed up, Garnet pulled Steven and the other gems off to the side while he was distracted, and told them she wants someone keeping an eye on him like, all the time. They’ve been switching off staying with him. In the bathroom’s a little much, but he guesses he can just wait outside the door. “I just don’t get it.” It’s pretty obvious she doesn’t trust Nora, but why? “Is he… going to do something bad?”

Expression unchanging, she stares at him for a long moment: lips pursed, brow set, eyes hidden behind her visor. Then, softly, the gem ruffles his hair, burying her fingers in his curls. “You need to go,” she repeats, because apparently she isn’t going to explain anything. Again.

Shoulders hunched, Steven glances down. “Fine.”

The door’s open.

Nora’s standing in front of the sink, staring into the open cabinet: one hand clenched tight around the bathroom countertop, the other wedged deep in his pocket. And it kinda looks like he’s looking for something? But Steven’s not totally sure what. Unless he’s looking for toothpaste or soap, or maybe some gummy vitamins, he’s pretty much out of luck. “What are you looking for?” he asks, watching the teenager’s hand tremble around the counter.

It takes him a few seconds to respond. A little longer than it should, like he’s lagging in real time, but then Nora’s turning and blinking at him. “Oh,” he mumbles. “I was… just.” Glancing back at the cabinet, he shakes his head furiously, scratching at his arm. “I—I was looking for something that I guess… isn’t here?” All of a sudden, he groans loudly—so much louder than he was a second ago, suddenly animated—and bonks his palm against his forehead. “Ugh, of **course** they aren’t here yet! Sorry, I don’t know why I thought they would be.”

“Okay?” So it wasn’t the gummy vitamins, then. He thought maybe Nora wanted to eat a handful of them like candy, like Steven does sometimes, but unless there’s extra-special future gummy vitamins that haven’t been invented yet then that probably isn’t it. “Do you want me to run to the store and get you something?” Steven offers, peering inside the cabinet. “You and Peridot can talk, while I go get you whatever you need!” Nothing looks like it’s missing, although they **are** running a little low on shampoo. He kinda doubts that’s what Nora’s looking for, though.

“No, it’s fine,” Nora quickly assures, waving his hands. “I’m fine, really! I **don’t** need it, actually, everything’s okay. I’m just being stupid again.”

Huh. “Well, if you’re sure.”

A thumbs-up and a wink. “I’m sure!” he insists. Which doesn’t explain why he’s acting so spacey, or why he ran off like that, or the way Steven can almost kind of see his pupils for a split second as his cheeks get a little pinker, but. That’s okay. Even if Nora doesn’t want to open up to him right this second, he’s still gonna figure this out. And he’ll do it without worrying any of the gems!

Wait a second. “Hang on, didn’t you have Jasper’s gem?” Steven remembers, stepping back, and glances him over again. There’s no bubble in sight: not in his free hand, or on the counter, or in the cabinet or the bathtub or anything. “Where did you put it?”

The teenager cringes back a little, shoulders stiffening. And then, wordlessly, he pulls his other hand out of his pocket and opens it.

“You unbubbled her?” Steven yelps, scrambling forward as Nora shrinks in on himself. Sure enough, that’s Jasper’s gem loose in his hand, all angles and sharp edges, and a whole bunch of little pink lines littering his palm where it’d pressed too hard into the flesh. “She’s corrupted! You can’t just keep her gem loose like this, it’s super dangerous!” Although maybe not as dangerous as it would be to have an uncorrupted Jasper reform in their bathroom, because she was already really, well… Jasper-y. But still, someone could get hurt!

“Well, uh… there!” Suddenly, there’s a pink bubble around the gem, and Nora’s smiling as he taps the top of the bubble. “See? Now there’s no problem! She’s safe in the temple, and we can get back to business.” He’s already walking towards the door, a little too quickly to be calm. “Peridot’s probably waiting on us, anyway.”

“Wait,” he blurts out.

Nore freezes in place. “Yeah?”

For a second, Steven hesitates, because—well, he has so many questions. The pink thing that Nora can do is super confusing, because none of the gems ever mentioned Mom being able to do that, so? Maybe she couldn’t? Maybe this is a magical destiny thing, maybe this is the **point** of him, because there has to be a reason Mom decided to give up her physical form for him in the first place so what if it’s **this**? If she knew that Steven would end up having this cool new power, then. Maybe that’s what he’s here for.

But Nora won’t tell him about that. He tried asking already. And Steven knows there’s **something** he’s upset about—it’s got something to do with Connie, for sure, and maybe Mom too?—but he doesn’t think Nora wants to talk about it. It’s gonna be pretty tough to get him to open up. Besides, he should probably wait until sometime after he’s finished talking to Peridot about time travel stuff and they finish handling the whole Ruby situation, anyway, cause it’d be bad if they got too sidetracked right now.

Which leaves him with only one thing he can ask about. Something that has absolutely nothing to do with the pink glowy thing, **or** with what’s making Nora so upset. “I know you didn’t want to tell me about future stuff, since it’s dangerous and all,” Steven ventures, watching Nora shift awkwardly in place, “but I was just wondering… could you tell me who Pink Diamond is?”

Nora goes stock-still. For a second, he’s not sure if that’s a good sign or a bad sign.

And then all of a sudden he storms off, and even though his back’s turned to Steven and he can’t see his face he still catches a soft glint of pink reflected on the doorknob and on the door, and—yep, okay, bad sign. Definitely a bad sign. Sucking a breath in through his teeth, Steven winces as the door slams shut.

Okay. So, add Pink Diamond to the list of things that makes Nora upset, then. Cool. Good to know. He’ll pencil it in right after mentioning the fact that he goes pink sometimes, Connie, magical destiny stuff, and also maybe Mom.

And, maybe that shouldn’t actually be all that surprising? Whoever Pink Diamond is, she’s gotta be important. Important enough for Jasper to corrupt screaming her name— _my Diamond, your Diamond_ —and come on, he **knows** the Diamonds are big on Homeworld. (Pun not intended.) He still remembers how scary Yellow Diamond was, and how mean she’d been to Peridot even after she’d spent all that time saying nice things about her, but… he doesn’t remember ever hearing about Pink Diamond before now.

He just wants to know the truth. And he knows the gems won’t tell him anything, even if he asks. They never do.

Sighing, Steven goes to close the cabinet, stretching all the way up onto his tiptoes to get a good grip on it. As his fingers slip against glass, smudging up the mirror on the back of it, he accidentally makes eye contact with his own reflection for a split second.

For a second, he freezes, eyes caught on the person in the mirror. And then, impulsively, he tugs down on his lower eyelid and examines his eye. Everything just looks normal, pretty much the same as ever. They’re pitch black: too dark to tell where the irises end and the pupils begin, no matter how hard he stares. The shape of them’s Dad’s, but the color’s all Mom.

No pink, or white, or grey. No pale, slit pupils.

Mouth pinched, free hand clenching at the hem of his shirt, Steven glances back after his future self. And then he turns back and closes the cabinet door.

When he gets back to the Burning Room, Nora and Peridot are arguing. Or, to be more accurate, Peridot’s yelling at Nora, as he just stands there and looks frustrated. Garnet nods when she sees him come in, looking entirely unbothered by all the noise and flailing arms. “Uh, guys?” Steven asks, face scrunching up. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know how you expect me to tell you how to get you back if you won’t even tell me how you got here!” Peridot shouts: hands balled up into little trembling fists by her sides, shoulders hunched. Nora’s hands are by his sides, too, but they’re deliberately flexing and unflexing, like he’s trying to calm himself down. “I need to know what happened!”

“And I’m telling you,” Nora says evenly, voice low, “that I **don’t want to talk about it**.”

Angrily, the gem jabs a finger in his face. “Listen here, you clod—”

“Whoa, whoa!” Steven interrupts, stepping hurriedly in between them. “Let’s calm down with the four-letters, okay?”( To be honest, he’s still not totally sure what that means—why would it matter how many letters a word has?—but it’s a thing Dad says sometimes, and it just feels like it works.) “We can talk this out! And maybe we can do it with some five-letters, or three-letters, or something.”

Well, on the bright side, Nora looks a little less tense and mad now, and more like he’s about to burst out laughing. So that’s good. Peridot’s definitely still unhappy, though. “I’ve been **trying** to talk,” she growls, sharp teeth glinting in the light. “It’s not my fault this defective Steven won’t tell me anything!”

Oh, jeez, Nora looks upset again. A different kind of upset, this time, but definitely still not good. “He’s not defective,” Steven defends, crossing his arms.

Peridot raises an eyebrow. “Well, he acts like it.”

For a second, he thinks about arguing some more and talking about how people aren’t defective, they’re just people, but—well, she’ll just end up insulting everyone if he does, and that’s not gonna help right now. Especially since Nora’s so on edge. “Nora,” he says instead, turning to him, “we really do need to know about what happened before you showed up. You don’t have to tell us everything, but… isn’t there anything you can tell us?”

Shoulders hunching, the teenager glances down. He says nothing.

“This is getting us nowhere,” Peridot snaps.

“I agree,” Garnet says, which makes Steven jump a little but it’s cool. It’s fine. He totally didn’t forget she was here. “If Nora isn’t willing to talk, we should go to the barn and address the situation with the Rubies. We can pick this conversation back up once **that** problem is under control.” And she fixes Nora with a scowl that says, yes, they **will** be picking this conversation back up.

But they shouldn’t just leave this here! Whatever happened before Nora got here, whatever happens in the future is that he doesn’t want to talk about, is serious. Really serious. Because of how he reacts whenever it gets brought up, sure, but also Steven hasn’t forgotten how he acted when he first showed up in the Beach House. It’d been super overwhelming, and kind of scary, and something **made** that happen. Yeah, he gets that Nora doesn’t want to talk about it, and it’s gonna be really hard to get him to, but. He still has to try.

Then again, confronting him now probably isn’t the best way to do that. It’s really tempting to keep pushing this, but for now, he has to just play along.

“Okay,” Steven agrees cheerfully, ignoring the twisting feeling in his stomach. “Then we’re going to the barn!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> steven: no four-letters  
> nora, making direct eye contact: fuck  
> steven: ??? fuck??  
> garnet: no  
> peridot: fuck!!!!!!!  
> garnet: no!!!!
> 
> considering trying to play around with a DAW and make themes for characters/scenes or something. let me know if that sounds interesting, i'll link them here+on tumblr if i end up doing it :0

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not gonna lie i started writing this and posted it entirely on a whim. i've always been a sucker for This Exact Trope of future version meets past version of character so,, this is the first time i've had motivation to write fic in like months and i'm not gonna let it pass me by now
> 
> my tumblr's @sheerpandamonium if you wanna yell at me for being mean to steven or something


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